You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
