maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
