I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
