i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
