my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
