Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
