it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
