Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
