dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
