You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
