Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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