Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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