The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
