Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
