Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
