she woke up with a sticky ear
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
