also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
