he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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