I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
