My room smells like vodka and shame
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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