WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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