apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
