I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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