Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just took my morning after pill in the library
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
