i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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