the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
