I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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