new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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