all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
