oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
