I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
