Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
