Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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