my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
