So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
