I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
