I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
