I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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