Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
