I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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