When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
