i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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