we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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