my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize