woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
