how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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