i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
