question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I believe in your delicious
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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