How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
