I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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