Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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