dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
only if we run a train.
done.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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