If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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