A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
