Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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