I'm eating all of the evidence.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
