I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
